A Broken Heart

The time is coming. The End is Nigh. Repent of your vacationing ways.  For tomorrow, you must return to Chicago. 

Last Wednesday, I squeezed into a wet suit, a pair of jeans, pajama pants, some socks, boots, a t shirt, a flannel, a rain jacket, a hat i knit, a helmet, and a life jacket and spent 4 hours rafting down the Clackamas River with these 4 chaps and chapettes. 

Lizzie Schwarsrock was also there, but she took the picture. See her here. 

She's the one without the beard. In case you were confused there. 

While on the river - I caught this little Rainbow Trout - The first fish I've ever caught on a river. It was the first cast on a brand new lure. That lure is stitched into my guitar case now, where, forever it will stay. I felt bad for the little guy. He had to die to fill up my belly. So, closed my eyes, and thanked him for his life. I killed him, I gutted him, I cooked him over a fire burned down to coals, and I ate him. 

"Fish"  as I came to call him - was one of the best I've ever had. 

Here he is. :) 

Will said, Oregon, giving me that fish on my first cast -  it was just another example of how She is calling for me. Maybe she is. 

Several people told me, when I came here, I would never return. Oregon would take me up in her warm, rainy, comforting arms, I would fall in love, abandon all that I know, and stay with her forever. And while I can't stay forever, it has not stopped her from seducing me since I first set a foot on her northern soil. 

A few October's back - I fell in love for the first time. The first, absolutely real time. I fell for my best friend. She fell for me. We loved hard.  Hard and rough, with this fierce passion that I'd never dreamed myself capable of. I made breakfast for her every morning, and she took off my shoes at night. She stitched our hearts together, and I fed us with homemade bread. We never went hungry, and we were never lonely. We opened our hearts,  let our secrets fly, and our fears fly further. Stories ruled the long drives and the late nights. She could talk all day and all night, and I could listen, and never get bored. We dreamed of a life off the grid. A life where we could just love, and and create art, and love. We broke up. And we broke our hearts. I still love her, and, my heart is still broken. 

I feel, in a very similar manner, about Oregon. 

And my heart, in a very similar manner, is breaking. 

My plan was to come here and do Midsummer, not to fall in love. But, it's always best when you're not looking for it I guess. 

This post turned out a little different than I planned. I didn't plan on crying, that's for sure. It was the shoes, definitely the shoes, that got me started. I miss the girl that took my shoes off at night. And, I'm going to miss the girl that tucks me in with a cold wet breeze every night. 

That Oregon. She's a lover. 

How We Opened Midsummer, After Losing 7 Cast Members - Insane

Sorry old friends. I haven't posted in almost 2 weeks. I've been rather busy. You see. I just opened A Midsummer Night's Dream with Oregon Adventure Theatre on the 13th of October. Along the way, we lost 7 cast members, (One of which, 48 hours before opening)  had the cops called on us twice, yelled at from our neighbor from her balcony, had our tarp ripped down by the wind, were rained on for our last dress rehearsal, and had fireworks go off during opening night.

Are you ready? This is going to come fast.

From the beginning - 3 folks that were originally cast did not make it to Oregon. For one reason or another, they had to bail, so, from the beginning, we're scrambling.

We start rehearsal in this beautiful place - Will Steele's backyard. 

Rehearsal number 2 - Cops show up. Will is in the back yard in his swim suit with several other cast members. Why was he in his swimsuit in September? He was teaching fire safety. We were dowsing him with towels soaked in water. Champion that one. At any rate! Cops tell us the noise ordinance is 7pm, and we were being loud. Which, we were. But it was 8pm. So, give me a break.
Rehearsal 3 - The neighbor who called the cops, she comes out at about 9pm and shouts at us from the balcony to stop making so much other noise and several other things such as "Shame on you Bill (Will) for starting a fire every night! Don't you care about the environment?"
Rehearsal 4 - Now, before we started this one we spoke to the chief of police about the noise ordinance. He said 10 pm. We said great. We'll be out till 8, then inside. Cops come about 8:30. What were we doing? Singing Pacabell's Cannon, around a piano. Shame on us for singing choral music at 8 PM.
SO!
Rehearsal 5 - We decide to move to a new rehearsal space! Will's Parents back yard! No more crazy neighbor lady!

Not a bad looking place right? Yes, thats an apple tree AND a pear tree back there. 

This, by all means should have been a great day at the new rehearsal space. HOWEVER, we get word our Lysander and Helena have quit the show. Super. We cancel rehearsal. Take a day to get our bearings, throw the stage manager and dramaturg into the play, switch several parts around and Boom! We're good to go. 

Jump to 10 days before the show. Our Puck has missed at least half his rehearsals due to one thing or another and then he get pneumonia  So, Will asks him if he thinks he'll be able to stick it out, he says he doesn't know, and Will asks him to drop the show, because he can't take the risk of losing him in another week. 

So. we're 10 days out, and no puck. 

Then the wind picks up and rips our tarp out of its, what are those things called? sockets? brackets? little holes on the outside edge that you can GROMMITS. thats it. Rips it out of the grommits. So. No tarp. 

BUT! 9 days out, we have a puck! Yay! Here he comes to save the day!! His name is Matt, and he's great. He's also a senior in high school and president of the school body. So, busy kid. He goes and goes as hard as he can. Everything is looking pretty good. As good as it could with all the shit that has happened. 

48 hours out. This is Thursday. We open Saturday. Matt's parents call Will and pull Matt from the show because he's so stressed out. 

48 hours out. No puck. 

46 hours out. Good News. We have a puck. He's a fly fishing pole, with a light up fairy attached to the end of the line. And almost everyone in the cast is learning one of his scenes. 

So. At this point. I'm playing Bottom, Philostrate, Fairy 3, and Puck. (And yes, They're all going on my resume. ha!) Basically, by the end of it, we're all playing 2 - 4 roles. 

We're putting up midsummer, with a cast of 10. Including director, stage manager, and dramaturg. 

Somehow. SOMEHOW. We all memorize the lines, or most of them. Our lovely dramaturg spends most of the day making cue cards for our puck parts, and we spend all night memorizing them. 

Somehow. SOMEHOW. We get all the props made. 

Somehow. SOMEHOW. Will and Dan, the stage manager, spend 8 hours rigging up a new tarp system to keep us and the audience dry. OOOOOO! And, I need to add this for my mom... I STITCHED the new fabric on because the needle on the sewing machine broke. So. Thanks mom. Bet you didn't know you were going to be keeping 50 people dry when you taught me how to hand stitch. 

We do our second to last dress in the POURING ASS rain, finish our last dress 2 hours before our show Saturday starts. 

We open. There are 50 people in chairs, under a tarp, in Wills parents, Mary Jo, and John Steel's back yard. 

Fireworks go off in Act 2, Scene 3  when the 4 lovers are chasing each other in the woods. City Fireworks. From a bridge opening. There are several adlibs that send the audience into fits of laughter including, "WHY ARE PEOPLE CELEBRATING, THIS SUCKS!", "Helena these Fireworks ring out for you!", and "Run run run! We're under attack!!!!" 

We close. We bow. We run back to the tent behind the apple tree and slam into each others arms saying, "We did it! We did it! I can't believe we actually did it!"

I don't know that I've ever been more proud of a production. We worked for this. We all did. Every one of us. My dad and my brother asked me over and over why I was doing this for free. And more importantly, why were we not charging admission to the show?

After several failed attempts, I finally was able to articulate at least a part of it, to my brother. I said - 

     "Look at this like I'm on vacation. I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing, with the people I wan't to be doing it with, and where I want to be doing it. And I don't have to go to work every day. I get to go play in the backyard with my friends." I think he got it after that. 

 There is theatre that I do to get paid. And there is theatre that I do, because I love it, and I must. This, is that theatre. 

As to the free admission. You'll have to ask Will. It's part of his mission, and it's part of his dream that was producing it, making sure it was free. But. I can tell you this. He woke up the day after we decided Puck would be a fishing pole fairy played by the entire cast (Which, turned out brilliant, by the way) and he said this,

     "Ryan, you know what I realized last night? There will be people at this show Saturday day night that will have never seen Shakespeare before. Never heard those words. The little girls that live across the street that watch us rehearse every day, they're going to see this for the first time, and we get to offer them that."

If you still don't get it, It's probably because, the truth is,  I don't either. Its a little insane. What I do. What we all do. What we all did here in Oregon. I do it, because I was born to do it. 

I've learned one thing about myself in these 26 years, and that's I always articulate myself better when I sing it - So - here it is - The inevitable song attached to the post. I wrote it tonight. It's called - Insane. 

Please - dear friends - Enjoy it, as much as I enjoy singing it. 

That's all for now folks. 4 more shows left. 2 outdoors. 4 different venues. 13 days left in Oregon. Wish us luck, but know, we will overcome what ever comes our way. 

Yours, Always, 

Ryan