25 days, $1080, And a Bucket of Stories - Day 4 - Mom Wisdom

 25 days, $1080, And a Bucket of Stories - Day 4

Goal: Play in the Subway 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 25 days making at least 1080.00, which will cover all my bills for January.


Need 1080

Below Goal: 61
Above Goal:
Under Hours: 5.75
Over Hours:
Days off taken - 1

For Today
Goal: 60
Actual: 63
TIME: 5.25
WHERE: Grand/Chicago
CD's Sold: 0 - gave 4 away
Temp: High 18, Low 18, Current 15, feels like - 12
That - Friends - is a 28 degree wind chill right there. Twenty - Eight.

So this morning I woke up at 7:40, just - poof - awake. 20 minutes after sunrise, and I saw this.

My little patch of lake. My little sliver of sheer joy - lit up by a yawning sun, whispering good morning with the breeze.

When I was younger - 14, 15, I was an Emo, depressed little rebellious shit. :) And like we all do, I put my parents through a good bit hell.
 I remember one morning, my mom was driving me to school, I was probably late. And something had happened - I don't know what - but I was extra down this day, extra angry at the world, swearing that no matter what anyone said, or did, I would hold my ground - and stay angry. And my Mom, who can be seen with my Dad, ------------------------------------>    Here

says,
    "Ry, just try and find one little piece of something that makes you happy in the day. It could be something tiny, like the sunrise. But just find one little thing."
And I stayed angry that day, but I still remember that sunrise. I forget everything. Everything. I've got like 3 years, and then its gone. Poof. But not this. This, Golden pink, Rocky Mountain sunrise has always been with me. I've never forgotten it. Or what my mom said. And the sunrise this morning, was a lot like that one. But instead of a great mountain range - There's a Great Lake.


I feel like I could talk for days today. About music, how I'm feeling about this month - I'm listening to my old album this morning, which, you can find here -  http://ryanwestwood.bandcamp.com/ - And it, combined with the sunrise is making me wildly nostalgic.

But - I'm just gona go play. I finally have gotten up early enough, to play a full 5 hours today. I'm not going to be ready for it. It'll be the longest I've played in months and months, but It's on. And I'm excited.

Thanks Mom. For the sunrise. And for working your secret Mom magic, and making me the die-hard-to-a-fault-optimist I am today.

Ryan -

EDIT:

SO MUCH HAPPENED TODAY.

Popped to Lake - and Ron and Malique were there. it was 2:30 - and you can't usually play at lake before the guards go home at 5. But I also don't know a lot about playing on Saturdays. So I figured if they're at lake - Then I can prolly get away with grand. So I bolted to the bathroom and shot to lake.

So I play for a bit, and this homeless dude with an eye patch shows up. And I've seen him before. He's around. one of the regulars - But he's terrifying. He can't speak well, and - well - they eye patch. He's selling Chicago hats today. And the trouble is, when he's around, no one drops any money, because they don't want him to see they've got money. So I hang tight, because if I play he'll stay around for the music.
And this is where I have a conflict - because I want to play so everyone can hear it - and that should include eye patch dude - but He puts a stop on any income - so its a rock and a hard place. But - I stop playing, and after 10 minutes or so, he rolls out.

Enter Tom and Sharon -
So I'm playing Fire and Rain, and this fella rolls up, stands right next to me and starts singing along. So I know I've got A winner. He drops a 5 spot at the end of the song, and I hand him one of my CD's. And then He, his wife Sharon, and I start talking like we're old pals catching up. Where are you from? where are you playing these days? hows the cold? what part of town are you in? They're Polish and we talked about Portage Park, the pool, the bungalows. Just - lovely, lovely conversation. The kind of thing that reminds me how incredible all these strangers are. And if we just - say hello. If we just start talking, they'll talk back - and - it'll be great. The train comes - and the're gone with a promise to read the blog - So - Hey you two. :) Hope your night was wonderful.

I helped a pair of Spanish speaking ladies find the Macy's. Nuff said. Giving people directions in this town makes anyone feel like a superhero.

And then, after a bit of a dry spell - I had a really wonderful experience.
 ----After the money has been dry for a while, I start to sum up people as they walk by, and get upset if it looks like they have money to spare - and aren't dropping any. And its a battle I constantly fight. To just love and give and give, and not judge them - and not expect anything.
because people deserve that. Right?
these 3 girls walked up - took videos, and didn't drop a dollar - and - that just erks me. It's just - and thing - I have. If you're gona take a video of me - I'm definitely good enough for a dollar. So I was working through that, and after they left - I wrote this text to myself.

     " So there's a stero type. There's 3 20 year old girls, all i phones. All Lulu Lemon, Victorias Secret bags hanging from their arms, Starbucks in their hands. They walk up, phones out - saying "Sing it" (For my camera) and you know, from the bottom of their soul, they are further from dropping a dollar than the homeless dude scraping the trash for food - and I don't know if its all the tie I've spent down here or if it happens to everyone - but I know it. I know it with all of me. And I don't know if this is just my insecurities about living month to month and I'm just projecting them on what are seemingly trust fund babies - but the real lesson here is love - That's the only answer. So I played and smiled, and I hope they have and incredible night, despite the fact that they tweaked me a bit - Here's to you stStarbucksirls. have an incredible Saturday."

Yes - that's a huge, freaking text.

But I realized, as I was typing it - I was apologizing to them - I was apologizing for judging them, forgiving myself for doing it, and moving on. I typed it out for the blog, and realized it was actually - one giant set of me working through being frustrated - Which, got me thinking - There's no way on earth I would do all this - if I wasn't blogging about it. Because its incredible to share all these stories - But - Its also about me working through it. Day in ad day out. I need it. So - Thanks. To all of you. For giving me that.

A violinist named Mo came by, and played with me for about 30 minutes. I can't upload videos tonight - so I'm going to talk about it later on. It was incredible.

Eventually, I gave up grand to Alex, another guitarist and singer I've known for about a year - and I went to Chicago for 30 minutes. There I met Venesius and Prucilla. I'm prolly butchering your names :)

They strolled up - and, just as the sense I got with the Starbucks girls - I got the opposite with Prucilla. You can tell - When someone is drinking in every note you sing - you can feel it in your bones. And it changes everything. You sing for them. Solely. Every note - every lyric - comes out directed entirely to that person, and the song just shines above the mountains. That happened with Prucilla as I was singing Charlotte Mae.

She and Venesius dropped me a 5, I gave them my CD, talked about the blog, and I hope they're reading this. Because they ended my night with a 5 dollar bill - and had they not - I wouldn't have made my 60 dollars today. So thanks you two - Your five dollar end to my night - was incredible.

This post was huge. I apologize. And there are no pictures. I apologize for that too. I'm on Lindsey Tandall's computer, and she doesn't have the kind of plugin that my camera uses. So there were a lot of words. I hope you all made it.

What an incredible day. Just with Mo alone, which you no nothing about yet. And then all the rest was icing on the cake.

It's 11:11, tomorrow is a Day off, and will be a french toast day. So - as far as I can tell - Everything is great. :)

Thanks again - for reading - So I can work through it all - So I can love it all - So I can do it.


Another performer said something incredibly unexpected to me as I gave him my spot and left for the night, and I'd like to pass it on to yall

"Bring the glory of the stars into the hearts of men" - Christopher

Ryan