Thursday, February 27, 2014

23 days, $1150, And One Hell of a February - DAY 22

23 days, $1150, And One Hell of a February - DAY 22

Goal: make 1265.00 in the month of February.
Bills: Security Deposit on new apartment 425, rent on new apartment 425, Hedgehog deposit 150, Key deposit 50, Food 80, CTA 96
Current Funds: 115.00 from Postering for Macbeth - Thank you Rachel Mayer.
                          74.00 from day 1
                          78.00 from day 2
                          00.00 from day 3
                          52.00 from day 4
                            1.00 from day 5
                          49.00 from day 6
                        102.00 from day 7
                          50.00 from day 8
                          98.00 from day 9
                          10.00 from day 10
                          00.00 from day 11
                          36.00 from day 12
                          00.00 from day 13
                          00.00 from day 14
                          00.00 from day 15
                          00.00 from day 16
                          50.00 from day 17
Updating the record here -
                         248.00 from Concert from bread, Flat fee, and CD sales (Whoever dropped 80 dollars in my bread tin -you- anonymous sir or madam- are truly, absolutely, and undoubtedly - an angel. Thank you.
                          30.00 left from money from folks for guitar equipment
                          32.00 from CD sales on Bandcamp
                          75.00 coming from Alyssa and her sister
                          00.00 from day 18 - Spent 13 on flour and butter
                          56.00 from day 19
                        102.00 from day 20 spent 3 dollars on milk
                          74.00 from day 21
                          32.00  from day 22 + 200.00 anonymous donation.

Bills: 689 - rent, hedgehog, keys, 2 cta passes (one this Monday, one next)
Cash in hand: 415


New Need: 274
Below Goal:
Above Goal: 224.00

Day 22 of 23

Goal: Make 65 dollars by any means possible. Go to whole foods tomorrow
Actual: 32
TIME: 2 hours
WHERE: Monroe
CD's Sold: 1
Temp: High 7, Low -2, feels like -16
Alright. So, we're 10 degrees colder than yesterday - but, yesterday was basically a cakewalk because I put on my VIKING hat - so - eff it.

Today is my last day playing in the month of February because I'm taking tomorrow off, as it is..... MOVING DAY. I don't have nearly the time I need to talk about how I feel about it all. Officially, minus all the bad math, I only need to make 12.5 dollars today to pay everything that needs to be paid. Unofficially, I'm fine anyway because of the Anonymous donor I spoke to yesterday.

They donated 200.00 to my cause this month. Which, is just earth shattering. Yesterday I said it was game changing - you may not think 200 dollars is game-changing - but - the peace of mind that 200 dollars gives me, is priceless. It's hope that I'll actually get my bills on track next month, it's additional proof that there are incredible people out there - and even more proof, that they're in our very, very near vicinity.

They told me, in not so many words as to keep this anonymous,
     "This 200.00 is for you. You have been such an inspiration to me this month, and I'd like to thank you for that. I can not stress enough that this is an anonymous donation. It is between us. There is no expectation associated with this, it is a gift given without expectation of receiving anything in return for it, ever. I will simply ask that you pay it forward. Sometime in your life, when you can, or when you can't, Pay it forward."

And that's where I run out of words to describe my gratitude.

Pay it Forward? That's all? That's all you're asking? is for me to Pay it Forward? Who are you?! What sort of amazing world do you come from - That you're here - on Earth - where Everything has a price tag attached - and all you ask me to do is Pay - it forward. And all because, I inspired you this month? I never knew I inspired anybody. And now - I'm sitting here bawling - because I inspired you.

My mom used to say sometimes her heart gets so big that it bursts and bubbles up through her eyes, and that's why she cries all the time. That's how I feel right now. As if nothing in the world could stop my heart from growing so big it bursts through my chest.

I could take today off. It's gona be -16 our today. It is, right now. haha. But - I can't really. Because I don't want to. I wana play, today. And everyday. I  - I want to share this - I'm rambling - I'm out of words. or rather - not, out of words - but I can't find the ones that could express the fullness of my exploding heart. So I ramble, desperately searching for them.

Today, I play for you, anonymous donor. Today I play for every person who sent me well wishes this month. Today I play for everyone who sent me money this month. Today I play for everyone who came to my concert. Today I play for everyone who has heard my music in the last 10 years. Today I play for me, you, and for every person who has ever dropped, even a penny, in my guitar case. Because I want to. Because I have to. Because it's the only way I can express my gratitude. The only way I can even attempt to begin to give back to the folks who supported me this month - Sharing my music, in the cold, in the subway - Just like this glorious, glorious month started.

Edit:

Well I only played for 2 hours today. I spent the rest of the time I should have been playing - listening to the concert for the first time, and working through tracks on some new condenser microphones with Fourthwall. We decided today that they're gona help me cut a demo, which, is going to sound amazing.

So - today - in two hours, made 32 dollars and sold 1 CD. So a good two hours.
I started it by walking into the restroom at the Thompson Center ( a mall connected to the Lake stop on the redline) and text this to myself so I wouldn't forget what I was feeling.

"There's nothing like the feeling of a routine. It steadies me. Makes me feel like I'm on track, moving forward, ever creeping across the railroad. Something as simple as using the restroom at the Lake stop right before my shift - or setting up my gear the same way. It gears me up. This is my last shift this month. Its a shift. This is my job this month. And it paid all the bills I planned to pay. I played music, and wrote a blog as my job this month. That's really neat. Really."

1st of all - the word neat has been entirely underused since the fifties - and should come back - and 2nd - GOOD POINT RYAN. I gave myself a JOB this month - and the totals - of everything - money, hours, temperatures, CD's sold, donations - will be worked up in my final blog post tomorrow.

I gave a homeless man 2 dollars today. I almost never do - when I'm playing. If anyone asks for money - I almost never give it out when I'm playing - It's a decision I made years ago - because I'm working - and the money I make, I'm working hard for. But today - I thought - well - Look Ryan, Yesterday you were given 200 dollars - don't you think you could spare 2, for Adam Dorcy, a homeless veteran who wants a cup of coffee?

So I handed it over, saying, "I don't usually do this - but yeah, Adam, totally." He walked off - and - as so many of us do - My mind went directly to the booze I was sure he would buy and scolded myself for giving away 2 of my dollars.

Then, an hour later - He came back, walking through the subway with a Trader Joe's bag, and a carton of sliced watermelon. "Hey Adam! How's it going?" "Good" he said, "Got myself some food!" But - it gets better - because 10 minutes later - after he's been listening for a good bit - he walks over, and puts a 64 OZ container of Trader Joe's brand Pink Lemonade in my case.  - It must have been more than 2 dollars. And - I'm just standing there flabberghasted. I finish my song and turn to thank him again - and he's gone. Poof.
Crazy - Right? Makes me think twice about people. You'd think, I'd think twice about people more often, given my profession - but - things that are drilled into you are hard to let go of. Little by little, you know?

Now - a woman bought my CD today. She asked if I wrote my own stuff, and I told her - "Oh yes, What I'm playing right now is all me" - She bought the CD and said - and I quote, "You remind me of when Music Was Good"
 ---------------And that - ladies and gents - is the best compliment I've ever been given.

Also - Quickly, two things - a man named Sneer, who's given me a dollar 3 days in a row now, mentioned that, "I brighten up his commute" Which, is wildly fulfilling.
And then, this wonderful woman, in a blue, long coat - bent down, dropped a dollar, looked me straight in the eye and said with all the calmness genuine care brings out in someone - "You stay warm tonight, Alright?"

- Some folks think I'm homeless. And, you know, if you call in the technicalities - I technically am this month - But - I'm never REALLY homeless - because there are homes all across this giant town that have been mine, will be mine, and could be mine at any given moment if I needed it to be. And - because I move in... .well, today. its 12:11 am.
- I never really correct them. Sometimes I do, but,  I think its part of the performance. I want to be the traveling street musician. I wan all the mystery, all of the romance that comes along with that on the street. I never lie to folks, but, I don't correct them either - maybe that's wrong. Maybe I should - but - I think, it's alright.

That's it - the last playing post of the month. I will be posting a final post on this month tomorrow morning - and No post that night, because we won't have internet in the new place until Saturday.

Again - I love you all -

Ryan


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